Wednesday, January 19, 2005

I notice interior design is going more modern with clean lines. Lots of Pottery Barn look. I tend to like the pared down decorating , but have had lots of clutter in real life. I am torn between design sense and sentimentalism. Knick-knacks seem to win. Plus we have most of our family people living in the house most of the time since I am a SAHM who homeschools and my husband is semi-work at home.

Oh yes, we sometimes get tired of one another! Oh yes. but the house has enough size that anyone who wants to get away a bit usually can. And often there are enough runs to outside destinations, with teens especially, that it isn't as bad as it sounds.

I have curtailed my church participation to zero - although I don't really want it to stay at that level. But I don't trust myself to keep church from exponentially usurping all my energy if I allow it a place right now. I really need to get my family life taken care of: the wedding. The homeschool demands, the organizing, the prep for having my mom come live with us. Unfortunately my experience is that those around me want my help but don't voluteer theirs when it is time to attend to my obligations here.

Sounds awful, but there it black and white. Rather stark, but it comes from the fact that I hate asking for people to help me, and I hate to act all needy and whiny like those women who get their wheels greased...soppingly greased. I need some balance in that area. But since I tend to be as independent as possible, that has meant decreasing my help to others at this juncture in life. Plus the accumulation of my out of sync lifestyle. When other women my age have become "ladies who lunch" I have still been raising young children and the homeschool has acted like a job, an unpaid job. I can't just drop everything and go out to lunches and day trips and things like that. That sort of isolates you socially.

Other factors, too, but I don't think it matters to itemize them. Right now, I just simply don't have a group I fit with...except bloggers. But if I were to be precise about that it is blogging, not bloggers... I have relationships with my blogs- now there is a pathetic realization.