Thursday, December 25, 2003

It is technically Christmas, although I haven't slept and will try to get a couple hours in before the actual Christmas ( when the children wake up) begins. I fixed a big Christmas Eve dinner, although not as prepared as I like to be. The presentation was a bit messy and the rolls were not as perfect as I like them. Little too much flour I think.

Some of my children ...mostly the older ones started to show a bit of the strain from the past few weeks; mostly a bit subdued, and my one daughter seems actually depressed. I need to see if I can get some help for her, maybe through the hospice people.

People nag at you after a death. Not everyone, but I was a bit surprised at some of it. Like the woman who is getting a large portion of my fathers estate. She called a lawyer to complain about me. Two days after his death. It was a low point, but I am over it. You have to just let those things go. They are just not worth their intended intimidation value.

Now if I can get to where I outright laugh about it, I am home free, I think. Gimme some of that old time black humor. Low down bete noir stuff. Or zoom me to a higher plane. Either one. But don't let me give petty people any satisfaction.

The real me. Exposed. I have the consolation that I am doing my best to be decent towards her, and bending over to let her have everything without rancor or delay. Because worldly goods is not what this life is about. I believe that and now is my chance to live it out. With God's Grace.

Because it gets challenging. Especially when I look over the mess of the last couple years this woman was intervening in my dad's life. Hard, hard, hard. What else can I say? Best to leave it go. I think I need a little funeral service for those feelings.....

Maybe I will write them on paper and then burn them as a symbolic thing or something.

But the bright side is that Christmas this year is thanks to my dad. He gave the daughters unexpected checks earlier this year. We ended up needing it. So God had a provision. And this is my experience always with the Lord: " I shall not want".

I really should get some sleep.

Oh yes.

And Everyone Have A Merry Christmas!